Every article on coping with infertility has at least one paragraph dedicated to the importance of accepting the fact that “it’s not your fault”. These are no empty words as not blaming yourself is truly vital for your emotional wellbeing and a sign of the successful progress of your treatment. However, doing this is easier said than done. Today we will try to help you find a way to overcome this particular struggle.
Seek to Forgive
The most common mistake that prevents people from completing this vital step in the process of their emotional recovery is that they aim to just stop feeling guilty. Unfortunately, our minds don’t work like this. Guilt is an extremely complex emotion, and it’s impossible to stop experiencing it just because you wish for it hard enough.
Even perfect control of your emotions won’t grant you this reprieve, because in this case, the feeling will still remain at the back of your mind. You may not think about it constantly, but it will always be there, wearing down your emotional defenses from the inside.
What you really need to do in order to accept that this is not your fault is to forgive yourself first. Doing this is extremely hard, and the trials that a person faces on this road are unique. However, forgiveness is a necessary stage that will lead to acceptance of the fact that your infertility is really NOT YOUR FAULT.
Forgive your body for creating this obstacle in your path, and forgive your infertility for being there to keep you from happiness. When we forgive, we accept the fact that whatever it was, was outside of anyone’s control. Therefore, there was no real way to ward against it. Forgiveness and acceptance go hand in hand, and they give birth to hope.
Understanding that there are factors that you can’t control affecting your fertility gives you a push to find a solution through the factors you CAN control. Instead of wasting your energy on playing the ‘blame game’ with yourself, your partner, your doctor, and everyone else, you focus your efforts on finding a solution that will work and make your dream of having a child come true.
Blaming yourself for your infertility is like blaming yourself for having your eye color. There are dozens of factors that can interfere with fertility. Some of them are controllable, some are not, and there are cases when even the best scientists cannot say why exactly this happens. Therefore, blaming yourself is not only a waste of your time, it’s also a step back in your fight with infertility as doing this increases your stress and weakens your body.
Think about these things and seek therapy if you feel you cannot cope with this matter alone. Professional assistance, as well as the support of your loved ones, is the best cure that will help you rediscover your inner power and keep hoping.