Guest Post by Sami Wunder
If you are a woman going through the struggle of infertility, I know how lonely and excruciating this pain can feel.
It´s an emotional rollercoaster ride with all kinds of intense emotions surfacing up in you and occupying your daily heart and mind. There is self-blame, self-hatred, a sense of self-inadequacy, a heavy baggage of disappointments and a disillusion with the world and probably even God if you believe in one.
As if all this heart-break is not enough, struggling with infertility often causes another kind of heart-break for several couples – in their relationship with their partner.
As a love and relationship coach for women, I´ve seen the relationships of my clients suffer and spiral down with their men, when the challenge of infertility enters the picture.
In some sense, infertility tests the emotional limits of the relationship, with both partners under acute stress and often under financial stress due to the on-going infertility treatments.
If you are still very much in love with your man but the stress of infertility has taken away the spark from your relationship, I can help. Of course, the perspectives below will only help if both partners are willing to continue to make an effort in the relationship. However, if that willingness is present, the good news is that with a little bit of conscious effort, you can indeed save your marriage or relationship from breaking down.
1) Face The Difficult Feelings Straight On
I know you could cry the whole day if you connected with your feelings and tried to express them to your partner! As a result, like most women, you have probably decided to be “be strong” and cut those feelings out from your life.
As counter-intuitive as it may sound, this suppression of your true feelings is killing the intimacy in your relationship. The truth is, even if you don´t talk about them, those feelings still exist in you and your man can feel them in your energy. However, he feels like you don´t want to let him in and so he lets you be alone in that situation when you actively decide to avoid the topic of your difficult emotions.
Here´s the thing – We don´t face difficult times by running away from them, we face them by taking them head on!
In other words, you as the woman, as the carrier of the emotional energy in your relationship, you have to be willing to share your difficult feelings with your man. This includes allowing yourself to cry before him, sharing with him how you feel and allowing him to soothe you and be present with you in your moments of sadness and grief.
Believe it or not but this will bring your relationship much closer than any pretentious strength ever could because your man will feel needed by you and recognize that his presence is important to you.
2) Listen To His Feelings Too
I know you feel terrible but don´t forget, he probably feels the same way. May be his concern is not so much that you are infertile but more that you are so unhappy.
Men like to fix and solve problems for their women and in a situation like this, your man can feel extremely helpless and out of control because there is literally nothing he can do to change what you are going through. Lend him a patient ear by allowing him to share what´s on his heart without interrupting the conversation. Don´t try to make it better for him. Just listen!
3) Don´t Let Love Making Be All About Baby Making
One of the first things to breakdown in the face of infertility is the physical intimacy in the relationship. What once used to be a time of romance and candles, is now a time of ovulation calendars and mechanical baby making.
For women, the wish to have a baby can be so obsessive and life consuming, that we tend to forget that the man needs us to be present in the relationship also as a woman.
Even if it is hard at first, I recommend keeping all conversation about ovulation and such medical terms out of the daily bedroom. Once a month you can talk about it and share it your fertile dates with your partner but on other days, keep conversations about this mechanical aspect away from your relationship.
It kills your partner´s desire for you and negatively impacts the relationship and intimacy. Remember, in trying to create a bigger family, you don´t want to risk the happiness of the family you already have.
4) Give Him The Gift Of Your Happiness
Want to revive your relationship? Give your man the gift of your happiness.
There is nothing that will move your relationship back on the track to love than your own happiness.
At first it may feel weird to you. “Be happy that I can´t have a child?”
No but be happy that you have a loving partner whom you can share these tough times with. Be happy that you have the possibility of still having a child through IVF. Be happy that you have the gift of life and a supportive family or career.
Gratitude is a divine quality and if you can connect with the blessings in your life that are present, you are actually creating more positive energy for the baby to manifest in your life through IVF.
When we go through challenges such as infertility, they can tend to dominate our entire life, as if there is nothing more to life than that missing baby. Focusing on the good stuff that is still present in your life can reduce this struggle from a life dominating challenge to one of the challenges that must be resolved by you and your partner as a team, hand in hand, like all other challenges in your life.
If after all these suggestions, your relationship is still not improving because your man is simply being uncommunicative, withdrawn or aloof, feel free to get in touch with me and book a free 30 minutes clarity call. I´d be more than happy to help.
God, destiny, life has put you and your relationship through testing times. You can either use this time to bring your relationship closer and make it stronger or you can use it to let it break down. I hope you feel inspired to make the first choice.
Bio for Sami Wunder
As a former consultant for the United Nations, Sami was always bewildered by the number of strong and successful women around her, who failed to attract decent men or failed to sustain their marriages.
This quest made Sami seek certification as a Love and Relationship Coach by the American expert Rori Raye. Today, Sami Wunder of www.samiwundercoaching.com specializes in helping women worldwide to reconnect with their feminine energy – so that they can quickly attract their soulmates or bring the withdrawn man in their current relationship permanently closer.
That this stuff works, Sami´s personal love story and the success stories of her clients are a testimony to it.
By making simple shifts in the way her clients relate and communicate with men, Sami has helped 100s of women experience intimacy, renewed romance and affection in their relationships.
Coaching sessions, held over phone or Skype, use a powerful combination of feminine energy tools, visualizations and hands-on information about how men truly work in relationships and not how women think they work.
You can directly go to Sami´s website and download her free copy of “3 Powerful Secrets To Uplift You In Love.” Inside you will find easy, practical tools to get effective results with your man or your potential Mr. Right that you are still looking to attract.
Also check out her E-book, “Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment. Learn How To Inspire A Man´s Full Devotion” which lays down the step by step roadmap to reaching commitment with a quality man without ever second guessing yourself on where you stand with him in the relationship.