Infertility: When Other People Think You’re On The Wrong Path


Infertility can be an extremely frustrating challenge to face, as so many of the people around you will want to offer advice and encouragement. To begin with, you may have found that your friends and family were very positive, reminding you that miracles happen, for instance, but as time has passed, perhaps their advice has become more at odds with what you feel to be right for you.

It may be that you have decided on another cycle of IVF, and that your friends or family think that this is too much for you to cope with, either financially or physically. Alternatively, perhaps you have decided to take a break from the whole struggle but are finding that others keep advising you to try again, or to consider adoption. It’s useful to have some ideas about how to deal with questions and opinions you would rather not have to hear, and some of the following may help.

How to Cope When Others Don’t Agree With Your Fertility Plan

1. Choose your audience. How you cope with debate about your fertility plan will depend upon who you are talking to. For example, if your mother is worried about you, you may wish to provide her with information from your medical team, or discuss your options at length to explain your point of view. If the person expressing negativity about your plan is not close to you, however, you should feel entirely justified in declining to discuss your plan or in staying out of contact for a while.

2. Do your research. The chances are that you will be exploring all the options with your partner and your medical team, as well as alternative practitioners if this is helpful to you. Finding out the facts will give you all the information you need to answer any concerns – if you wish to engage in discussions – and will also help to reassure you that you are making the right decisions for you.

3. Work with your partner. Of course, if it is your partner who is not in agreement with your ideal fertility plan, this presents a bigger problem. Talking is the only solution here, laying out the compromises you are each prepared to make and working towards a resolution that both of you find acceptable. It’s important to remember that neither of you chose this situation, and it is hard for you both, so talking your way through it is vital.

4. Be open-minded. As long as you are not offended or upset by the opinions of others, it can be very helpful to listen to their thoughts and take their ideas on board. It’s possible that someone may come up with an idea or an option that you had not considered, or may give you new ideas to think about.

Focusing on The Positives

It’s sometimes helpful to remember that those around you are only giving you their opinions because they care about you and want to see you happy. Ultimately, it is your body, your relationship and your family that you are making decisions about, and no one else can influence you if you do not allow them to do so. Knowing that you are ultimately responsible for your decisions, and that you are making them wisely, will enable you to follow your heart.