It is not your fault: Infertility and Self- Blame

Being told that you are infertile can be a devastating blow, and many people find it very hard to deal with the shock and disappointment. Working through your feelings is an essential part of the process of coming to terms with your situation and moving towards a solution.

It is difficult to avoid feelings of self-recrimination and blame, and many people report feeling that they must be at fault in some way, or that their own actions must somehow have caused their infertility or meant that they deserve it. This is simply a reaction to feeling out of control of a situation and trying to rationalise it, but it can have a negative influence on your mind-set and make it very difficult to progress.

How to Stop Blaming Yourself for Infertility

1. Focus on the positives. Although you may feel hopeless, look for the good in the situation you are facing. Acknowledging that it’s good that you are already partway through the process, and that you’re finding out what has been going wrong for you, is an extremely positive step and if you can find positives in each step of your journey, you will be much less likely to give up.

2. Step away from blame. Instead of being dragged down by self-blame, remind yourself that this is a medical problem that is not linked to anything you have or have not done. Keeping focused on the issue in this way will allow you to remain much more positive and look towards possible solutions.

3. Talk, talk, talk. Sharing your feelings with those closest to you can help you to rationalise what you are feeling and get a healthy perspective on your mind-set. Dwelling on self-recrimination will be harder in the face of your loved ones reminding you that you are not to blame for this!

4. Be pro-active. Whatever you have or have not done that you feel has influenced your situation; forget it. Thinking about the past will not help you now, and constantly berating yourself will only cause you stress, which is not helpful when you are trying to conceive! Concentrate on positive steps you can take now: change your diet, get fit, and ensure you have a happy and positive relationship into which to bring a child.

Stay Positive During Infertility

Infertility is a challenge that many people find very difficult to face, but by acknowledging your role in transforming your mind-set, you’ll empower yourself to leave blame behind. Giving yourself a positivity check is an essential step on the road towards conceiving a healthy pregnancy, so start loving yourself more today!