For many of us, the road to our dream babies can be long, stressful, and complicated. For Mae Hagan, the road was incredibly long and difficult. But, thankfully, she and her husband had a very happy conclusion and recently welcomed baby Ari. Below is her story and some questions that I asked her about her journey. What an inspirational story!

 

I am married to the love of my life, Trenton Hagan. He is my best friend and we have been married for 8 years. We dated two months before Trenton asked me to move in, four months before Trenton asked me to be his wife, and six months before we got married. We had a whirl-wind romance and no one thought it would last! And here we are eight years later…
We had a lot of heart breaks before we found our happily ever-after. See, Trenton and I really are perfect for each other. When we got married, we did what every other couple does when they get married-we decided to start a family.

In the past eight years Trenton and I experienced 12 miscarriages.12. 12 miscarriages would take it’s toll on any marriage, but somehow, it only made us stronger. We both were the only one that knew what it felt like to go through this horrible tragedy.

So, last August Trenton and I go to Myrtle Beach for a vacation. We had the best week of our lives! We come home, and four days later I start to hemorrhage. I had been 6 weeks pregnant and I didn’t even know.

This was one of the worst miscarriage’s I had ever had. I hemorrhaged so bad Trenton thought I was dying. About a week later Trenton and I sat down and we decided to talk about what to do next. Trenton made the decision for me. He knew I wouldn’t. Trenton came to the conclusion that we needed to stop trying to conceive. He said, “There are plenty of kids that need a home, why don’t we foster?”

So, we started the fostering process in January 2016. By May, we were becoming frustrated with the home study process. A lot of the times our worker just let time sensitive information sit on her desk. Our home study was approved by May by our social worker, but we still were lacking 2 more signatures until it was finalized.And, we really needed it finalized, because we were about to receive a message that would change our lives forever.

On August 18th I receive a message on Facebook. I’m a writer, so, I have a lot of followers on social media. The message read, “I have been following your story, and I would be honored if you adopted my baby.”

After 12 years, our entire lives changed in 5 days. In 5 days we took our beautiful son home from the NICU. My story is an inspiration for women who struggle with infertility. And, I’d like for you to help me get it out there.

 

Can you share a little about your adoption after you got the call?

TBH we were doing foster to adopt through the State of Kentucky. We didn’t know the biological mom. The biological mom had contacted us. As it turned out the state of Kentucky had already placed Ari in to Emergency Protective Order. So, the mom had said she wanted us to adopt him, and then the Cabinet stepped in. The weird thing is Ari went home with a nurse from the NICU. My husband and I hired an attorney, and 5 days later we were in Court going against the Cabinet. It was weird. Here we were trying to work with the state to Foster children in need, and now we were going to Court against them. Aristotle was home in a matter of hours though. The cabinet didn’t have a leg to stand on. The State of Kentucky actually has law suits pending against them right now where they placed kids up for adoption that they weren’t supposed to. They put up a fight with the wrong woman and they knew it. Here we were and we had been through 12 miscarriages, did they really think we weren’t going to fight them for a baby we had already become attached to? They got the last laugh though- they sent us a letter in the mail saying we had been denied to be Foster Parents. Didn’t give us a reason.

How did you emotionally get through such a difficult fertility journey?

There was one year that was really rough. I became extremely isolated, and I was withdrawn and I refused to leave the house. I became obsessed with the Sims, and I would always create a Sim family that had the same names of the babies’ names I had picked out. Sometimes I would think about Andy Dufresne. You know, Shawshank Redemption? He had been sentenced to serve a life in prison for a crime he had never committed. I would always think of that line that Red says at the end, “Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side.” Somedays I think, “ I’m clean now. I’m clean. “

What advice would you give someone struggling with infertility?

Where do I begin? Explore EVERY avenue possible! Also, reach out to your boyfriends and husbands. They hurt too. Also, if you think it’s time to stop treatment. Stop treatment. You know your body. I highly encourage Fostering and adopting. Just because our Fostering experience didn’t go well doesn’t mean yours won’t. In the end we just got a really bad worker, and that happens sometimes. My advice above all- never give up hope. I am a big believer in hope. Hope can get us through some rough times. Women with infertility issues- we are the real bad asses. You are a bad ass! Everyday you make the choice to wake up and try again, because there’s always that possibility that you will have your Happily Ever-After. I believe you will have your Happily Ever After

Many couples are not able to survive adversity. It sounds like you and your husband, not only survived but thrived. What tips would you give on making relationships successful during infertility struggles?

Now, don’t get me wrong! We had our moments! We had NASTY arguments and said AWFUL things to each other! But, in the end we were the only one that knew what the other person was going through. Be good to each other during the holidays. That was really harder for us the last two years before we got the baby. My husband and I would make Easter Baskets for kids in need, and that way we felt like we were getting plenty of practice. We also would go shopping for kids at Christmas time.

I would also like to bring up one thing that is hard for us girls to talk about. Sometimes, men have a hard time performing under pressure when we are doing IVF treatments. I have found that talking really dirty during sex would help Trenton get out of his head.

Can you tell us a little about your new website?

It’s www.MaeHagan.com and it’s a Story of a Girl in Her Thirties. I am a writer so I have my blog on there and I talk about the struggles I had with infertility and miscarriage. I also have a podcast that I do with a group of friends. . I also am going to be sharing my family with everyone via videos. A lot of the reasons we got our son was because of Social Media and me being so vocal about our struggles. So, I highly encourage everyone on here to add me on Facebook. My name is Maegan Hagan. Check out my blog. I’m also going to have copies of my books on there. One is a Children’s Story I wrote about Adoption, and it is how I intend on explain adoption to our song when he gets older.

Can you share a little about your adoption after you got the call?

TBH we were doing foster to adopt through the State of Kentucky. We didn’t know the biological mom. The biological mom had contacted us. As it turned out the state of Kentucky had already placed Ari in to Emergency Protective Order. So, the mom had said she wanted us to adopt him, and then the Cabinet stepped in. The weird thing is Ari went home with a nurse from the NICU. My husband and I hired an attorney, and 5 days later we were in Court going against the Cabinet. It was weird. Here we were trying to

Work with the state to Foster children in need, and now we were going to Court against them. Aristotle was home in a matter of hours though. The cabinet didn’t have a leg to stand on. The State of Kentucky actually has law suits pending against them right now where they placed kids up for adoption that they weren’t supposed to. They put up a fight with the wrong woman and they knew it. Here we were and we had been through 12 miscarriages, did they really think we weren’t going to fight them for a baby we had already become attached to? They got the last laugh though- they sent us a letter in the mail saying we had been denied to be Foster Parents. Didn’t give us a reason.

How did you emotionally get through such a difficult fertility journey?

There was one year that was really rough. I became extremely isolated, and I was withdrawn and I refused to leave the house. I became obsessed with the Sims, and I would always create a Sim family that had the same names of the babies’ names I had picked out. Sometimes I would think about Andy Dufresne. You know, Shawshank Redemption? He had been sentenced to serve a life in prison for a crime he had never committed. I would always think of that line that Red says at the end, “Andy Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side.” Somedays I think, “ I’m clean now. I’m clean. “

What advice would you give someone struggling with infertility?

Where do I begin? Explore EVERY avenue possible! Also, reach out to your boyfriends and husbands. They hurt too. Also, if you think it’s time to stop treatment. Stop treatment. You know your body. I highly encourage Fostering and adopting. Just because our Fostering experience didn’t go well doesn’t mean yours won’t. In the end we just got a really bad worker, and that happens sometimes. My advice above all- never give up hope. I am a big believer in hope. Hope can get us through some rough times. Women with infertility issues- we are the real bad asses. You are a bad ass! Everyday you make the choice to wake up and try again, because there’s always that possibility that you will have your Happily Ever-After. I believe you will have your Happily Ever After

Many couples are not able to survive adversity. It sounds like you and your husband, not only survived but thrived. What tips would you give on making relationships successful during infertility struggles?

Now, don’t get me wrong! We had our moments! We had NASTY arguments and said AWFUL things to each other! But, in the end we were the only one that knew what the other person was going through. Be good to each other during the holidays. That was really harder for us the last two years before we got the baby. My husband and I would make Easter Baskets for kids in need, and that way we felt like we were getting plenty of practice. We also would go shopping for kids at Christmas time.

I would also like to bring up one thing that is hard for us girls to talk about. Sometimes, men have a hard time performing under pressure when we are doing IVF treatments. I have found that talking really dirty during sex would help Trenton get out of his head.

Can you tell us a little about your new website?

It’s www.MaeHagan.com and it’s a Story of a Girl in Her Thirties. I am a writer so I have my blog on there and I talk about the struggles I had with infertility and miscarriage. I also have a podcast that I do with a group of friends. . I also am going to be sharing my family with everyone via videos. A lot of the reasons we got our son was because of Social Media and me being so vocal about our struggles. So, I highly encourage everyone on here to add me on Facebook. My name is Maegan Hagan. Check out my blog. I’m also going to have copies of my books on there. One is a Children’s Story I wrote about Adoption, and it is how I intend on explain adoption to our song when he gets older.